


A Father’s Day Dance You Wouldn’t Want To Attend

by SammyLuka



Series: The Delirious Adventures of a Mercenary and his Badass Cyborg Boyfriend [3]
Category: Deadpool (Movieverse), Deadpool - All Media Types
Genre: Domestic Fluff, Established Relationship, Fluff, M/M, The one where Wade and Nate become Russell’s unofficial-but-official dads
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-07-07
Updated: 2018-07-07
Packaged: 2019-06-06 10:32:07
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,896
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15192866
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/SammyLuka/pseuds/SammyLuka
Summary: It starts with a date, like most beautiful things. Except this beautiful thing involves a one Nathan Summers, AKA Cable, AKA the love of a certain spandex-clad mercenary's life, becoming fond of a kid he traveled into the future to kill.They say fatherhood is hard. Somehow, being father to a fire-wielding Polynesian kid makes it all the easier.





	A Father’s Day Dance You Wouldn’t Want To Attend

They were on a date. An actual, honest-to-god, “Let’s eat French food and then french” dinner. The X-Men had given them the a-okay (since no one was trying to blow up the word at that moment) and they’d taken the opportunity gladly. Wade even dressed up. Not Wade’s kind of dressing up, either, no siree. He had put on a quality black button-down and some slacks that made his ass look magnificent and he was _working it_. He knew that the outfit was working its magic when he walked out of his room and Nate went stockstill upon seeing him. Wade was so going to take advantage of that later that night.

They arrived at the restaurant and were pleasantly surprised at how surprisingly pleasant it was (ha, wordplay). They were sat at a table near the back of the restaurant where they didn’t have to worry about any prying eyes except their own. One of the greatest things about having a telepathic boyfriend was playing the people-watching game, AKA “Nate and Wade’s Way to Survive Pre-Dinner Boredom That Doesn’t Involve Sex”. The official title was a work in progress. Wade trusted Nate enough not to cheat and search their participants’ (i.e. victims) minds beforehand, so it all worked out. Once they had guessed as many details of the lives of certain people around them as they saw fit, Nate would then use his powers and see who had guessed the most accurately. They had decided early on that it wasn’t intrusive or privacy-invading, since Nate made sure to never seek out their participants’ names or use any of the information he found against them. The two of them might have been little shits, but they weren’t complete assholes. Christ, Nate was spending too much time around Wade.

Their date that night had started off with the people-watching game, as most of their outings did. They’d just finished hypothesizing the identity of a man in a plain, black tuxedo and Nate was now seeing who would win (Wade had guessed that the man was actually part of the Men in Black and was there to talk to a lady four tables away who was secretly an alien; Nate had guessed bodyguard or military). It only took a few seconds of searching before Nate was straightening in his seat and grabbing for the gun he’d shoved inside his coat. Wade did the same with the firearm concealed in the back of his pants. Nate did not want to know where that came from.

“What’d you see? Is Agent K here for something worse than a lay with Leeloo over there?” Wade asked. Both of them were holding their guns under the table and Nate was intensely concentrating on the crowd of diners before them. He scanned the room for a few seconds more before he spoke.

“There’s at least six guys in here with the intention to hurt, and us as their target. All mutants, as far as I can tell. Not sure who they’re working for or what the reason is, but they’re ready to-” Nate was cut off as Wade stood from the table and two men in tuxedos matching Discount-Agent-Coulson’s stood at the same time.

“Sit _down_ ,” Nate hissed, but Wade was already walking away, his gun somehow concealed in his shirtsleeve (How the hell he was managing that in a button-down, Nate had no idea).

The two men were now approaching and two others had stood up. Wade reached into his back pocket and quickly pulled out his mask, shoving it over his face. He raised his gun, the suits raised theirs, then all hell broke loose. Nate wasn’t sure who fired the first shot, but it wasn’t really important, because all of the suited mutants (they were all mutants, Nate could tell now) were firing at Wade in a matter of seconds. Nate came up behind him and began shooting at the same time as Wade did. 

“See, isn’t this nice?” Wade shot one of the guys between the eyes then turned to Nate. “A romantic outing with your handsome, loving boyfriend. Complete with murder.”

“Stop calling yourself my boyfriend. We’re not thirteen,” Nate grumbled. He surged forward and kicked one of the mutants in the stomach, sending them flying backwards into one of the tables. At this point, most of the restaurant had been cleared out and Nate realized that there was much more than five targets headed their way. 

“What would you prefer I call myself, pookie? Your lover, your soulmate, your pumpkin, your _hey!_ -” Wade groaned as he was shot point-blank in the stomach. “I liked this shirt, dickhead!” He leaped forward and landed on top of the guy who’d shot him, and who Wade noticed had eyes that were completely black. Wade didn’t feel like figuring out what that meant, so he pulled his gun and shot the guy in the face. As he stood, he felt his slacks resist and he groaned loudly.

“I _knew_ I should’ve just worn the dress,” Wade complained. He shot a dirty look in Nate’s direction. Nate raised his hands in surrender at the same time as he elbowed a guy in the chest.

“Never said you shouldn’t’ve worn the dress,” Nate deadpanned.

“But you never said I _should’ve_ worn the dress. And I’m talking about the one you said makes my legs look good, too!”

“No, I… said the _heels_ make your legs look good, not-”

Wade gasped and slapped a hand over his bloodied chest. He was glad he’d chosen a black shirt. “So you’re saying the dress _doesn’t_ make my legs look good?”

Nate turned to look at Wade and furrowed his eyebrows. “No, Wade-”

“ _Boys!_ ”

Both of the men (and the mutants who had just been shooting at them) turned to face the entrance the restaurant’s entrance, where Domino was standing with her hands on her hips. Behind her was Colossus, Russell, Negasonic Teenage Warhead, and Yukio, all looking gloriously heroic. Wade grinned and whooped, pumping his fist in the air. 

“ _Yes_ , team!” he shouted before raising his gun and aiming it at one of the suit-clad mutants, who was wide-eyed and pale as a bone. That could’ve been how he regularly looked, though. Wade had an intimate knowledge of how not-good-looking the mutant gene could make one look. 

“ _Wade_!” Colossus shouted. “No killing! Not while X-Men are here.”

Wade threw his head back and made a show of groaning for twelve seconds straight. “They shot first! Babe, tell ‘em that they’re here to kill _us_ ,” Wade whined, turning towards Nate. Nate was still acutely aware of the fact that there were several people in the room with the intention to murder them, but that didn’t stop him from defending Wade.

“He’s right. Not sure why this time, but they want us dead,” he explained. The rest of the team had started moving in on the mutants who were left. Domino kicked one of them in the shin and brought him to the ground. Negasonic grabbed one by the wrist, twisted it around his back, then held him still with the help of Yukio. Russell approached Wade, looking around the room.

“I guess date night didn’t go that well, huh?” Russell nudged one of the corpses on the ground with the tip of his shoe. “Guess next time you’ll just have to stay in and watch _The Bachelor_ together.”

“Is that really the second best date idea you could come up with? I’m raising you so well. And date night went exactly as planned, for your information.” Wade shoved his gun into the waistband of his pants and turned to Russell with his hands on his hips. “Daddy needs to get his murder on every once in a while.”

Behind him, Nate approached, looking rather smug after knocking out two suits and tying them up with cloth napkins, of all things. “We’ll talk about that later. And, for the love of God, please stop calling yourself that,” he grumbled. He placed a hand on Wade’s hip and turned his attention to Russell. 

“I thought you had homework to do.” Nate raised an expectant eyebrow at the boy.

“I thought that ass-kicking was more important than homework,” Russell professed, raising his chin.

Nate glared daggers at him.

“All right, all right. I finished it all before we left,” he grumbled. 

“Good answer,” Nate said and Russell took it as his cue to walk away. Nate and Wade watched as he traversed around the dead bodies and approached Domino, saying something that made her grin. 

“That-” Wade started, leaning into Nate’s side. “-was hot. Seriously. My daddy issues and my dick are _loving_ you right now.”

Nate grimaced. “Don’t make me regret asking, but what the fuck are you talking about?”

Wade whipped around so he was facing Nate and held both of his arms out in front of him, gesturing at Nate. “ _You!_ Specifically you parenting it up with Russell. Why don’t you ever do that with me?” he whined.

Nate grimaced. “ _And_ , I regret asking.”

Wade brushed Nate’s comment off and bustled over to Colossus, who was frowning down at a particularly gory pile of bodies. Nate followed, a displeased expression of his own directed at the massacre before them. “Do you think it’s a good idea to have the kids seeing this?” he asked somberly, standing beside Wade. He directed his gaze to Russell, who was helping Negasonic and Yukio contain the hostile mutants and file them out of the building. Wade shrugged. 

“I think we traumatized the murder-murder-kill-kill out of Russell, and Yukio wouldn’t hurt a fly. Hi, Yukio!” Wade shouted. Yukio waved back, grinning. Wade returned his attention to Nate. “Negasonic, though. She has the capacity for murder in her. _So_ much murder.”

Nate scoffed. “I’m being serious, Red. I don’t think they should be here.”

“I don’t think that Lucky Charms and the Red Giant expected _this._ ” Wade gestured at the mess before them. His tone was a little too proud for Nate’s liking. “And they’re _helping_. Y’know, doing the child labor that the X-ists are so fond of.”

Nate frowned. If he could prevent at least Russell from having to see so much death so early on in life, then he would. “Let’s go home. We should take Russell with us.” 

“I used up all of my Disappointment Stash when we had to stop murdering, so I guess I can’t argue.”

Nate turned to Wade so they were facing each other, then leaned in and kissed him. They heard a groan from across the room and the two of them separated to see Domino fake-gagging while Russell grinned wildly, both at her and the two of them. Nate took Wade’s hand and dragged him over to where Domino and Russell were standing. 

“C’mon kid, we’re heading out,” Nate nodded his head to the entrance of the restaurant and Russell happily bounded towards them. 

The three of them -Russell, Wade, and Nate- walked out towards the door. Colossus caught sight of them and opened his mouth to say something, but stopped when Domino threw a piece of bread at his head and held a finger over her mouth. 

When they got outside, Wade pulled out his phone and ordered an Uber. He looked in between Nate and Russell and smiled. 

“Let’s go home.”

**Author's Note:**

> heeeeeyyyy. hey. you should come visit my tumblr [here](https://armored-avenger.tumblr.com). come talk to me about that Gay Shit. 
> 
> don’t be afraid to leave a comment. they fix the holes in my slutty, slutty sinner’s soul.


End file.
